I'm an outlaw! Burn noticed! A fugitive from a facebook group!

holy crap i’m on the lam now! The Evolve Riders Group on facebook just removed a post i made about my evolve mods. Then they chastised me! Oh the humanity! Warranties! Safeties! They used all of the words against me. I was shocked and dismayed. SHOCKED.

I gotta tell you, I’m feeling the burn. Headed off to the burn ward for some intense burn therapy. Don’t know how i’m going to break this to my wife, she’ll probably leave me now for a better man still able to post to the group. My son won’t be able to look me in the eyes anymore. My penis probably won’t let me touch it anymore.

I’m sure at this point people are gathering and talking about me behind my back, whispering things i would find amusing and sinister. Probably shouldn’t show up to the bake sale sunday with all this shame.

How do you move on from something like this? Should I just set my board on fire and ride off into the sunset of infernal oblivion?


I guess its 5pm somewhere?

Just kidding, but thats rather funny. Evolve people are going to be evolve people. Half of them don’t even wave back when I see them out riding.


Can’t touch the holiness that is apparently evolve. Skatan would be proud though. :wink:

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That’s ridiculous! I’m doing Evlove mods now too (for the UK), there’s nothing unsafe about it! :confused:


You can’t… I’m telling you Brah. Same thing happen to me on Instagram, when someone else ban me… I still feel like a shit every morning.


I feel you man, but your wordings are hilariously AWESOME!!


Now you gotta move onto boosted battery mods.


You could move on by telling me more about these mods!

@longhairedboy I think I’ve found a vocation for these Evolve battery that are around your shop… put them in BoostedBoard


hilarious post mate

well… jake already puffed half of them. the other half is fuill of sag. Sag is literally dripping everywhere and i keep having to mop it up.

So i called Orange County Solid Waste and said “Hey, i have all this lithium i need to properly dispose of. I build electric boards and need to get rid of my old cells safely.” they said “Sure bring them by!” So i was like Oh that’s a relife because ihave about a dozen evolve packs and… " “OH hold the fuck up there captain jackass” they interrupted. “None of that Evolve bullshit in our landfill. You go bury that trash lithium somewhere else you filthy animal!” so now i have to hang on to them or crush them into pills for stabilizing my mood or something.


You have trick them into believing that those are Boosted Battery…

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OH shit forget it !!! those are worst !!!

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wellll… whips out the banjo

you take an evolve and you slap it on its ass whip it up good like a bowl of sassafrass pop a screw or two and drop in a 30Q… and out comes a board that’s a rollin quite rude!

range that is. A helpin a watthours like you never seen miles upon miles, lean and mean slap yo momma and kiss a queen Sing it boys!


:microphone: Longhairedboy, he be da real McCoy, You can burn him on the ‘book, but he won’t get shook, And if y’all got issues, but no balls to resolve, He’ll stay busy fixin’ the shit that Evolve can’t solve! Whaaaattt!!!


This a quality shitpost.

A true shame about you not going to the bake sale though. I was really hoping for those 90mm cookies you’ve been talking about lately.



best timeline so far


tell em go suck on theyr momma oranatang nipples and keep on truckin


If they really built the best skateboards, they’d pay you for your advice. And just because of that, I’m going to have my CarbonGT fixed by you this winter.

We all know what’s happening here. They’re scared of you

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everyone is… shhhhhhhh…