My Danger Manual

I’m writing a “Danger manual” to go with my boards. If you aren’t in my head already, a danger manual is that stupid little booklet you throw away that’s filled with bad english and warnings. It comes with new products, and most people only use it to find a number to complain to.

My danger manual will be different.

I wanted something nice that won’t get thrown away, but instead left on the coffee table or laughed over with friends. I’m doing the whole thing myself and its going to be filled with angry squirrels and esk8 porn and illustrations.

but most importantly, it needs to cover the basics. So far, it covers the following information which is spread out across a few topical chapters:

  • wearing a helmet and gear and where to get it if you’re clueless
  • getting comfortable with your new board in private before going public and streeting a face.
  • accelerating and braking, giving yourself room to stop, etc
  • when riding in public, things to do and not do, etc, and also a lot of notes about minding animals.
  • when riding at night, lights, visibility and awareness, etc
  • general care and maintenance
  • avoiding water
  • charging and storage
  • how to use the remote
  • things to check before you ride, belts, bolts, all that shit
  • how to behave when people react, a reminder that esk8s are still strange to others
  • warranty and refund policy
  • coping with jealousy
  • a couple dozen pages of full color esk8 porn of actual customer builds
  • info on parts and upgrades
  • a reminder to enjoy yourself

So what i want to ask you guys is if there are any areas that i may not have mentioned that you think i probably should mention.

I’m probably going to send it to the printers this week.


How to evade police might be fun.


The tone of the manual is very tounge-in-cheek and self aware, so that might be fun as long as i was carful with it and gave very clear consequences for doing so.


Make sure it has lots of photos, mostly photos, because a book filled with walls of text gets insta-chucked


Start pushing while going 30mph, super legit


Might need a lawyer on retainer lol

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Nah, at the end just say don’t do or not do anything in here. Don’t read this.

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This will be a collectors piece. An important part for me would be to emphasise consideration for others and not making people hate us leading to further laws and persecution…


I’ll buy a board just to get the danger manual


That is a huge part of it. Thank you for bringing that up. I mention in several places to not be a dick and fuck it up for the rest of us.

I actually go a step further in the “riding in public” section and mention about how people react strangely to things they don’t understand, and we need to be considerate of that. when somebody sees something weird, and their dog is hating it already, they’re likely to say something awkward. People need to be considerate when that happens and not “be dildos”, as Skwisgaar would say.


Make it an actual religion and if you piss people off and they pass laws banning my way of life because of you, then you go underground forever in a place that’s rather warm.

Then also you can claim tax-free status for your garage.


just needs the one sentence the entire bible should read - try not to be a dick


unfortunately humans are born selfish, egotistical animals so further detail about what constitutes dickery is often required, and on top of that, it has to be eased into or you offend them. But then oddly enough if you do that and then swear a lot and draw some squirrels it becomes amusing enough to not throw away.

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I have ridden full speed by at least 50 dogs and only one or two was disturbed and started acting crazy, how many of them do you make go mad?

just about every single yap yap there is.

the larger dogs are rarely a problem when on leash, but start barking when neglected in their yards to get bored.

Dogs don’t care – usually – if I coast by, but if I use the throttle or brake, the high-frequency coil-whine usually pisses them off something fierce

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I only hear the small annoying fuckers from their apartments, the big doggos are cool with it from my experience

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I have some kind of a spaceship sound if you ask me, its super annoying for me… I prefer the good old 2 stroke gas one :smiley:

will there be a group buy thread for these?? lol


I think you should have some videos associated with the danger manual. To include cheesy elevator music and parachute pants.

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