Reverse DIY Esk8: Is It for you? Are you an extreme DIY builder or rider? Do the following apply to you?
- own more boards than dress pants (or have dress pants with diyt knee holes)
- have several cabinets in your house dedicated inherently toxic or dangerous items (i.e. lithium batteries, epoxy, high Amp power supplies, leaded solder/nickel)
- picked a late night skate over naked time with a special person
- wrecked your car because you were rushing to get home and meet up with your eskate crew
- caused at least 3 minor house fires that were build related
- patched/painted more than 5 drywall holes from runaway boards or accidental throttling
Yeah?! Are you itching for something new?! Then you, Sir or Ma’am, should try REVERSE DIY ESK8!
What is “Reverse DIY Esk8”? You’re probably thinking, “Forward, No Reverse with Break” for Lyfe is tatted on my chest in Old English! What are you, … a Boostedboard owner?” No way Brochacho! Reverse DIY Esk8 is the process of deconstructing complete builds or commercial boards and using the components to creatively address the everyday needs of non-eskate, regular folk. This group includes:
- muggles
- rollerbladers
- vape bros
- bird scooter riders
- Security guards
What do non-Esk8 people need/do/like? Generally, stuff that doesn’t matter or is borning AF. If your Mom nagged you about it, they love it. Stuff like:
- pushing all the time
- ironing clothes
- collecting furniture
- hosting dinner parties for her work friends that you give zero shits about
- reporting HOA violations
- obeying “void if broken” stickers
- matching hand towels that are just for decoration
- extra cup holders
- satellite radio.
My first build: The Fight Club Narrator
Here is the board starting off:
I don’t know if it shreds, but its big and has really practical looking components.
- Who doesn’t love cookies? Who doesn’t adore the rustic aesthetic of this functional end table? Perfect, and it effortlessly rotates to allow you grasp more empty calories you don’t need. A+
- I am Jack’s elevated A1C
Have a chilly alcoholic beverage? These oversized risers make functional coasters. Reduce the vibrations! Have your martini stirred not shaken.
- Do you even workout bro?
- Lithium batteries pack a 1-2 punch of electrolytes and mood stabilizers. The electolytes in these cells will fill your cells post CrossFit daily workout with the things all plants crave.
- Brought to you by Brawndo, the thirst mutilator.
- Has exhausting social media posting of CrossFit workouts left you a little depressed? No worries bro, the lithium in this mix will even you out.
- chilly this winter? Charge these cells in a smart charger with the wrong setting. It’s smart right?
- Leave these unsupervised and go organize your knicknacks in the garage. You will be pleasantly suprised at your gadgets ability to warm your home, and maybe even your heart!
- Think Ironing is just for moms? Think again, I’m still finishing this slick mobile ironing board station.
- Waiting forever for a group ordered 100 amp rated iron to ship from Australia.
- Need to express your unique and special opinion on the World Wide Web?
- You are special!
- This little number is your personal access station to the e-community
- Are you a closet weirdo that allegedly ate a sizable volume of cherry chapstick as a child? Relive your childhood with these cell holders that are perfect for organizing your chapstick collection.
- Allegedly
- Security conscious about threats that aren’t real? Make your neighborhood safe again with this gun-like remote.
- Pro-tip: leave it loaded on full charge under your pillow the way the founding fathers intended.
- my finger is my safety FTW
- I am Jack’s complete lack of surprise
I rush to find my tool box, grab my esk8 and my trusty cooling fan. And get to mad scientist mode. Screws flying, ducktapes ripping and bam, I have have a windmill. I stuck the rotor of the fan on my esk8’s wheel and shoved it outside my apartment’s window. The wind turns the fan and I have some electricity :buzzzz. Hue hue hue. Now time to get some cooling action. Time to turn on the faaaan.
But, oh shit, oh nooo,
there is no fan nomoo
Mototec 1600, consider yourself dissembled.
