The %$!* I get asked at the post office

So the the hybrid sloth creatures that staff the post office have started asking me to describe exactly what is in my parcels and told me they would refuse the parcel if I didn’t not tell them exactly what was in there as “nothing prohibited” would not suffice.

Ok - game on!

Next time I am telling them in a very loud voice, “it’s a butt plug training kit containing various sizes of rubber butt plugs designed to stretch the sphincter, no batteries in there”.

But I am going to need more go to non prohibited items to tell them.

Any ideas?


You could use something like DPD

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I do for stuff over 2kg, but RM are actually pretty good at delivering stuff without needing to spend hours on the phone because stuff has gone missing

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I’ve got 2 post offices where I live. Do you have more than one ?


The minute the word “diarrhea” or “dildo” leaves your mouth, they will cease asking any more questions. Same thing with bosses at work.


2 kilos of positive pregnancy tests for blackmailing ex-boyfriends?


not bad! I do fear that biohazard regs would scupper my attempts to fight the system :slight_smile:

What carrier are you using? :joy:

Royal Mail (i.e. the local post office here in England)

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My post office doesn’t even check my parcel weight

  • fire arm parts and mechanicals lists and resource guides you’re donating to US teachers so they can build their own side arms as a class project

  • betamax video tapes of rare mating habits of indigenous tribes

  • procedures and documentation for your manufacturing your new branded personal lubricant you’ve been working on for 12 years

  • scalps of the heretics. then pause… and blurt out its a role playing game.

  • 32 copies of Paper Boy, the original release.

  • sample data from various bloodworks you’ve collected on the descendants of the Corvinus family.

  • dirt from your homeland. You need it or you can’t sleep at night, and you’re about to go on vacation.

  • the cure for homeopathy


i knew you would have some of the best and most practical suggestions

I especially like the scalps of the heretics - so going to use that one

that one is actually a bit too close to the truth, although i tend to leave the soil in my coffin because it is more convenient


just thought of another one: “the last vestages of british privacy and dignity”


I’ve started being asked lately too, it’s because we’re the click queens of the neighbourhood & they’re sick of delivering those little grey Chinese packets…go with the butt plug method but covertly record and post please…subbed


"Pineapples, Vaseline, and doggy treats.



Don’t forget in a high pitched nasally way

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tell them you sent a keyboard to repair, they are about the size of a battery

lol, it’s not even a battery, this was a set of wheels :slight_smile:

I am happy to tell you what’s in the box but anyone demanding to know can do one…

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Tell them its feminism. That might help or make matters worse either way it would be entertaining lol


5 speed dildo with interchangeable heads. Full kit with support for half retarded, semi-vicious and omfg you are nuts. Comes with 5 lube boxes with cold and heat sensation, strawberry, grape, mint, coffee and dry lemon ultra strong. Washing kit with deodorant…if tha muthafucka is still listening you can actually sell one of Those kits. Take one with you just in case…